The band-aid just got ripped off

The band-aid is off and I'm bleeding all over the place. I knew it was going to happen but I guess I just didn't expect it to happen so soon. I guess it's better now than later because it was starting to become part of me and the skin was starting to heal over it. Later it would have done more damage and hurt more.

I suppose there is never a good time to lose something you depend on. I only have myself to blame. I can't control my own feelings and I've come to expect more than I should. I hate the feeling that is left. I hate what I'm left with. It hurts,it's scary and it's lonely. I hate myself right now.

I have no idea how to deal with this. I'm a horrible actor and can't lie to save my life. Whatever words come out of my mouth are opposite to what my face and eyes say. I can be saying "things are great!" but my face is saying "my heart is breaking". I hate that I'm so unable to hide the truth. Right now I need that ability so much.

I need to find the strength inside to pretend. I need to be able to pretend that I'm perfectly composed while on the inside I'm broken. How do you hide being broken? Won't everyone around you hear the clinking and crunching of all the little pieces rattling around inside as you go through your day?

I feel like my insides are a shattered mirror. All those razor sharp glittering pieces are flying around and cutting me up from the inside.

I hate myself right now.